The Nursery Has Begun...

Since we are expectantly awaiting the discovery of Baby Barnes gender, I cannot keep myself from beginning the planning process for his/her nursery. We are 99.9% sure of the crib bedding, regardless of gender. I stumbled upon this gorgeous combination from custom bedding and accessories designer, Javis Davis, and I can't find anything else that so perfectly combines mommy and daddy's aesthetic with the whimsical nature of a nursery.

We are blessed with gorgeous hardwood floors throughout the upstairs, so a rug to warm the toes is a must. Here is where I would love your help today - I would like to decide on a rug before we move on to the wall color(s) and additional decor. I am stuck. Simply stuck. Here are some of my loves, my wonderings and thoughts... Would you take a moment to give us your "two cents" by choosing your favorite and making a selection, (or two), in the poll to the right?

Thank you for loving us. Thank you for celebrating with us in this season of expectation.

A Third Anniversary Present

I confirmed with our midwife this morning that we will have our ultrasound on our third anniversary - Tuesday, May 4th, 2010!

I cannot begin to describe my excitement.

Our anniversary, May 4th, many would expect to be a most treasured day; yet instead it has held many mixed memories. While I rejoice that on that day I married "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh" I cannot separate that joy from the memory of my precious mother being wheeled in right before the ceremony and wheeled out before the reception began, a mere fragment of her radiant self remaining.

Through counseling we have grieved that day. We have come to understand that perhaps it was not as much a celebration as it was a gift. A gift to a woman wholly deserving of that most spectacular day. Her one request of us before her death was to see us married; and praise the Lord in heaven that we were able to fulfill her dream.

All that said - each year as the day marks it's presence, we are conflicted as we try to celebrate. So this year, we have decided to make this day less about our wedding three years ago, and more about the fruit of our marriage, and the sovereignty of a merciful Father.

We hope to celebrate with close friends Tuesday evening. Marking the beginning of a new "Expectant" season of living. A season full of life, hope, and joy.

I stumbled upon the song to the right today as I was doing other things. It does a beautiful job describing the love for the growing baby inside me.

I've also put up a "poll" for your guess as to whether our baby is a boy or a girl! Enjoy.

Sweetness at Seventeen Weeks

This is approximately what Baby Barnes looks like today!

What a joy it is to reach a new milestone every Friday... and how I have longed for joy.

This week has been filled with beginnings... the most exciting of which would be that Thursday evening as we were falling asleep Adam was able to feel our "bringer of joy" move inside of me! He had his hand on my ever growing stomach and while I knew that this was baby's magical hour, I highly doubted that he would be able to feel the little kicks and waves from the outside. Not two minutes later did our little one decide to start dancing! I giggled with pure delight, as Adam gasped and asked if it could be that he had felt the baby right, "here", pointing exactly where the baby had just moved. I couldn't believe it. What a miracle.

We have also fully entered Wedding Season. Praise the Lord for his faithfulness and provision. This brings with it many long hours for Adam and new struggles each season as we learn again how to find time together. Now with the little one on the way my hormones are making every day an exciting adventure. I pray I'll continue to learn what it means to "rest" in Him and His sovereignty.

I also received my Topsy Turvy swatches from Javis Davis for Baby Barnes' bedding and other items on Thursday! I cannot explain the joy I get from such projects... so I think there will be many additional posts simply on the nursery as it progresses.

Sixteen going on Seventeen

This week has been filled with changes and growth; both physically and in life.

Physically: I believe I have officially, "popped", although I try to stay in snug fitting clothes so that it's obvious to those around me. I think I am beginning to feel my precious baby move inside of me! At first I felt flutters, then it began to feel as if a small fish were swimming around in my abdomen. Though it sounds strange, I wouldn't trade it for anything. At times I can imagine the baby doing somersaults. I think the baby responds to singing, particularly broadway, which might bring the bring the biggest smile to my face.

Living: This new season has brought with it a new longing for my mother. I have much enjoyed the book Motherless Daughters, by Hope Edelman; in which an entire chapter is devoted to when the daughter becomes a mother. She describes at length the natural tendency for a woman to become dependent upon two people during pregnancy; her mother and her husband. When her mother is absent, her husband is left with the burden of supporting the needs of his spouse. My heart breaks for Adam and all that weighs on him. This world is broken and I expectantly wait for the day all will be restored.

I am feeling wonderful and can definitely testify to a renewed energy in the 2nd Trimester.

...and the Lord remembered her.

The Morning of January 22, 2010

On this day, God has tempered judgment with mercy.

It is the year of living hope, of change, of open arms. These are words spoken to me by dear friends, family and our heavenly father.

Since our hurried wedding and the subsequent death of my mother in May of 2007 Adam and I have wandered through many a wilderness, and I am sure there will be more, yet God has sustained us. We have been through dark depressions and struggled with the validity of our faith, yet He has sustained us. When it couldn’t get worse - it did, and He sustained us.

Roughly two years ago we began to try for the children we had both always desired. Month after month passed resulting in broken hearts and severed dreams. In Christ’s sovereignty we watched as our lives continued to unravel and we were able to praise Him for withholding from us until He so ordained.

As the year 2009 drew to a close I began to pray that it would also be the end to so much pain. It had been my personal year of grieving; as I walked side by side with a counselor through the death of my mother, morning each anniversary, each miserable holiday, and all the moments in-between. As I journeyed through these dark places, Adam struggled though many other trials on his own. I was more than ready to say goodbye to the grief and hello to the fullness of life I have been promised in my Savior.

As January dawned I was filled with a living hope I had never before experienced. I was drawn to the story in scripture of Hannah in 1st Samuel. I was struck by her pain and longing as she cried out to her Lord for a child; her grief was so immense that she was thought drunk and insane. I began putting my request before the Lord in a new and different way, inspired by the passion and fervency of Hannah.

…and the Lord remembered her. 1 Samuel 1:19

The start to my menstrual cycle began to draw near, and so did my gracious Lord. With each day of waiting my hope and trust grew. Then in the early hours of January 22nd I took a home pregnancy test. I had taken many before that had resulted in tears and sorrow, so after the recommended two minutes and the tiny digital words, “pregnant”, I felt the heavens exploding.

The tears and the joy were plentiful that day and the days that followed. We cried with dear friends and family who knew all too well that my precious mother is rejoicing with us in paradise.

I write this story to hopefully encourage the brokenhearted and share with you who do not know me well the graciousness of our living Savior Jesus Christ. The battles are not over. We are not through the wilderness, yet He has sustained us. To Him be the glory forever and ever. AMEN.