I need her...

Here I am... with only 8 more weeks... and I need her. I need my mother so badly.

I am overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. I don't feel ready. I don't know how to be a mother. I've never thought I'd fear this... but now, I do. I want to know that when Beatrice comes it won't matter if I don't know everything, because she'll show me and teach me... one little thing at  a time. And I'll learn.

Oh, how I want her to hold Beatrice. How I want to see her joy as she rocks her to sleep. How I want to know that she'll be there for us both... when I don't know what to do.

But Beatrice will never know her. And she can't be here.

But I will tell my sweet daughter, oh, I will tell her stories. She will know how much her grandmother wanted to be here, how much she wanted to hold her. How beautiful she was, how gracefully she danced, how generously she loved, how eloquently she spoke.

I need her words.

Please forgive me, but I've taken the liberty of altering this beautiful poem by Anna Hempstead Branch by putting it in the past tense... for it has been soothing to my soul. 

Her Words 

by Anna Hempstead Branch

My mother had the prettiest tricks 

         Of words and words and words. 

Her talk came out as smooth and sleek 

         As breasts of singing birds. 

She shaped her speech all silver fine 

         Because she loved it so. 

And her own eyes began to shine 

         To hear her stories grow. 

And if she went to make a call 

         Or out to take a walk 

We left our work when she returned 

         And ran to hear her talk. 

We had not dreamed these things were so 

         Of sorrow and of mirth. 

Her speech was as a thousand eyes 

         Through which we saw the earth. 

God wove a web of loveliness, 

         Of clouds and stars and birds, 

But made not any thing at all 

         So beautiful as words. 

They shine around our simple earth 

         With golden shadowings, 

And every common thing they touch 

         Is exquisite with wings. 

There's nothing poor and nothing small 

         But is made fair with them. 

They are the hands of living faith 

         That touch the garment's hem. 

They are as fair as bloom or air, 

         They shine like any star, 

And I am rich who learned from her 

         How beautiful they are.

A Joy"Full" Week (Part 1)

Week 31 has been full of joy.

It began on Monday with the first week of "Willy Wonka Kids" at the Academy of Fine Arts. I have desired to choreograph a children's production for a long time now, and this has been the perfect opportunity. Although I may be pregnant and awkward, I have thoroughly enjoyed working alongside two dear friends and 30 wonderful children. I am excited to see the end result next Saturday.

Tuesday afternoon Adam and I drove over to Farmville, VA to the stupendous Greenfront Furniture. During my baby shower last Saturday Adam purchased the paint for the nursery, no it's not on the walls quite yet, but it is purchased! We had been waiting to select a chair fabric until our wall color was decided upon, only to discover that we had waited a little too long! After speaking to Greenfront on Monday we were told that a chair would take at least 10 weeks to be delivered. Well, our precious girl is due in 9, and while she could take 10 more weeks, Daddy really wanted to be able to have everything in order just in case she decides to come on time.


So Tuesday we went up full of prayer that the Lord would guide us to a peaceful decision and we would not be overwhelmed by the pressures of this world. We took swatches of the bedding, and a paint stick with her wall color, and a panel of her curtains and a shade from her chandelier. We probably looked like a crazy couple, but at least we were prepared!

We had such a beautiful time on our drive. Our Lord has been so gracious to allow us sweet moments together as husband and wife before we become a family of three. I truly treasure these times in my heart.

We arrived at Greenfront with an hour to make our decision. We went straight to the "Swivel-Glider" 4 Seasons Chairs, and Adam went to work immediately looking at swatches. Then low and behold, to our right we spotted a floor sample with blue and red stripes... could it be?

We laid the swatches out...

Praise the Lord. How gracious and generous He is. How He surprises us with gifts we are so undeserving of. May we learn from His example and show love to our daughter in similar ways. 

We bargained slightly, since we were willing to drive it home that day, settled on a price, loaded it in the car, and were back on the road in 50 minutes. What a joy! 

The chair is settled in the nursery, and every time I pass the door I practically shiver with expectation. Yesterday I sat in it for an hour and read books to Beatrice... 

Adam's hope is to paint tomorrow afternoon... so hopefully their will be a "Room Transformation #2" post on Monday! 

Here is an "unprofessional" sneak-peak...

Later tonight, after a fun filled day of celebration Ethan's 4th Birthday, I hope to write about our marvelous prenatal appointment on Wednesday, and my building excitement. 

Much love and thankfulness to all of you. 

Overwhelming Thankfulness

Tonight, as I ponder all the blessings of today I would be remiss if I did not write of my thankfulness. 

What a labor of love I was showered with today. My heart is filled to overflowing. I wish there were words to express this measure of gratitude. 

At times I do not understand our Lord's sovereignty; but today I am resting in His gentle mercies. Why was my mother not here today to share in this joy among such beautiful women? Why must friends suffer? Why must hearts break? Of these things I am not sure, but I here, at this moment am sure that, "...the Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you." 2 Peter 3:9 

He has fulfilled His promise, and I pray that I will always remember Hannah's prayer of rejoicing.“Oh, my lord! As you live, my lord, I am the woman who was standing here in your presence, praying to the Lord. For THIS CHILD I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him." 1 Samuel 1:26-27

Oh, Beatrice. you are so loved. So cherished. So anxiously awaited. Today women surrounded and uplifted you in prayer. You are not even here with us, and yet you are precious to so many. They prayed so tenderly over your mother and father asking for wisdom and patience. You received such beautiful gifts that I cannot wait to show you. What a wonderful time it was. 

Dear friends, may God richly bless each one of you for all you did today. I cannot wait to post pictures of all your hard work and my, almost comical, faces of joy. As we unpack all of your generous gifts into her room over the next few weeks I know there will be even more tears.

Sleep well, all my friends, and may you, "dream of lovely things and wake to find them real." 

The Fullness of Life & Room Transformation #1

These past weeks have been full. Full of preparation of life to come and life of the moment. I cannot wait to share more of what the Lord has in store.

I have been blessed with beautiful friends that fill my life to overflowing. My precious Julie, Leslie and Emily who are hosting my first baby shower this coming weekend, (they simply have no idea how grateful I am to celebrate God's unfailing mercies with such special women.) My dear Mauresa and Jessica who are also lovingly ministering to my precious little one with a night of sweetness soon. Kristin, whom, together with her sister Jessica, I recently had the honor of throwing a shower for (pictures to come soon). And gentle souls like Kelley, Kelly, Whitney and Peggy who speak words of soothing balm to my broken soul in the perfect moments.

These women are gifts. May I never think otherwise. 

I also have a husband who was gracious enough to extend a DC wedding trip into Sunday so that we can pick up some basics for our Bea's nursery at the Woodbridge IKEA. 

My now 30-week-old daughter is growing and growing; constantly reminding me of her impending presence. I'm sure many of you mommies remember almost forgetting in the midst of preparations that at the end of this journey there will be a new life. What a miracle. 

But the preparations still must be made. 

So it is time to begin the Nursery Transformation. I am so eager to watch as the small details come together. 

Painting and other small construction projects will prayerfully happen this weekend, so it is only appropriate for you to view the room as it looked prior to the 15 paint swatches.

This was our canvas... 

The window seat is a favorite. 

We found this piece months ago... so I'm including it as part of the "before". 

Remember, Painting and Patience? Well, just for laughs, here is a peek at part of the learning experience. (This was even before two additional colors...) Please note that the above images were taken with Adam's camera... the images below, with mine. 

Remember "Custard"? Ha!

We have yet to decide upon a color, but we are sure that we will...

I needed these verses today... 

"But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance." 2 Peter 3:8-9

May your day be filled with fulfilled promises. 

Third Trimester Thoughts

Praise the Lord for His goodness! We, Beatrice and I, have arrived safely in the Third Trimester!

What a beautiful pregnancy it has been so far. I have learned so much already, that I simply cannot wait to see what motherhood has in store for me.

To document the beginning of my Third Trimester, my dear husband captured these simple photographs.

My precious girl, I cannot wait to meet you.