Where will the Journey of Motherhood take me?

"Where will the Journey of Motherhood take you and what will the name Mom come to mean to your children?" 

This has been a trying week. I am tired, exhausted really. 

I feel as if I have entered a new world - as if real parenthood is beginning. I am watching my baby disappear.

Up to this point I have been feeding her, clothing her, loving her, praying over her, etc. But now I am beginning to see my daughter, my Beatrice emerge. This has brought insurmountable joy, but also a sense of sorrow. To realize that she is a sinner, as much as her Mommy and Daddy, is in the strangest way, heartbreaking. To understand that the default position of each of our hearts is to turn away from the very one who created us, deeply saddening.

Motherhood is beginning. I have been weighed down this week with a sense of urgency, and sense of heaviness as I ponder the role I find myself in. What does it mean to instil discipline in my little one? To train her to have self control, patience, kindness, etc? I read this quote recently and found it encouraging. "Discipline is not action taken in moments of correction but an ongoing relationship with... parent and child. Discipline is a process of training and learning that fosters moral development. It comes from the same word as disciple—one who is a learner." 

I think that defines the stage we are in right now; perhaps for the rest of my journey. We are learning, both Beatrice and I. I to be the parent, she to be the child.

The next few months promise to be challenging as I meet face to face with my daughter's emerging will. I pray, oh I pray, for wisdom, for patience, for gentleness, and above all, for an eternal perspective. 

Beatrice, I love you so my sweet little one. May you continue to bring joy to all you meet. May the Holy Spirit stir in your heart a deep longing for our Father even now as you sleep.

Isn't this a beautiful thought... "The home environment that has a mother preoccupied with heaven as much as earth, is a Mom destined to shape kingdoms."

Here are a few photos from the last month or so, the moments are truly fleeting. 

At our first Tea Party in honor of the Royal Wedding.

It was very sunny, but she is still beautiful.

I love her furrowed brow. She has her daddy's expressive eyes.

Some apple on a hot day.

Her first time in a swing...

She loved it!

At the Strawberry Festival... kissing a calf. She adores animals.

Observing the chicks...

Thoughts & Photos from Our First 3 Weeks

On Monday she will be 4 weeks old. My, what lessons I have learned in the first 3 weeks.

Week 1) His grace is sufficient.
              The love of friends is miraculous.
              In the darkness His truth shines the brightest.
              His mercies are new every morning.

Not many people talk about the hormonal ups and downs after birth. No matter how beautiful the delivery, hormones will still adjust and leave an emotional mother in their wake, thank you Leslie for preparing me.
Breastfeeding is beautiful, perfect and wonderful, but it still takes work - hard work. It is more than worth it, but it does not come without determination, and support. Thank you Laurie for your unending education and love.
Functioning on little sleep is almost comical. Eating is crucial, and remembering to nearly impossible. Laundry builds and houses get dirtier faster than ever before. Thank you Kelley for taking better care of the three of us than we ever deserved, we could not have made it without you.

As a new mother I learned more in a 24 hour period than I typically learned in a month. God was faithful to sustain through that first week. I could not have done it without my sisters in Christ who surrounded me, uplifted me, and labored for me. Thank you to each of you for your prayers, time, love, smiles, food, laughter, tea, phone calls, emails, etc. You were truly instruments of His grace.

Week 2) The deeper that I go in the valley, there His glory shines so bright.
               I am blessed with an amazing husband. He is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.
               My own expectations are my worst enemy.
               When friends tell me they take joy in service, I must trust them.

I expected too much of myself. I thought I would be "on top of things" by week two. I thought I could "do it on my own". I was wrong. I needed help. It was so hard to ask for, but the outpouring was beautiful. Through all of this I was reminded of my frailty and His power. I was humbled and encouraged. Without the darkness, I truly would not have seen the beauty that surrounds me.

Week 3) When I am weak, He is strong.
               All of creation declares His majesty.
               Joy comes in the morning.

The clouds will part and the sun will come out! The beautiful October weather, fresh air and sunshine did wonders for my soul. Walks and coffee are beautiful things, despite "blow-out" diapers and crazy spit-ups. We spent a lovely family day on Saturday the 16th having breakfast crepes at the Community Market and apple doughnuts at Morris Orchard. To me, it signaled the beginning to our new way of living. What craziness, what fun. God is so good.

I love these next photos with all my heart. Thank you Chris and Whitney.